![Louis van Gaal: UNVEILS some Manchester United signings]()
Louis van Gaal: UNVEILS some Manchester United signings
With less than a week to go of the transfer window remaining, we run through the clichés you're sure to be reading time and time again.
Admit defeat: A club are unlikely to be put off by one failed transfer bid or even a second, but there comes a point for every manager when they are ready to admit defeat in their pursuit of a player. However, there are bound to be other players out there angling for a move away from their current club.
Blow: Losing out on a signing, of course, always comes as a blow to the club, while managers will almost certainly admit it is a blow to have lost a player to a rival club. Perhaps they should have blocked the move after all or beefed up their squad to counter the loss of said player.
Calm: No matter how much a player might want to leave a club, you can bet your bottom dollar they are described as being calm about their future when pressed about speculation over their future.
Domino effect: Often, clubs down the food chain find themselves waiting for one of the bigger clubs to complete a major signing, which could start a domino effect that leads to several other deals being completed. Those clubs can only hope there are no derisory bids holding up the process. Any player joining a Premier League club from abroad, meanwhile, is sure to speak of a dream come true.
Exit door: Now we don't claim to have access to the inside of every football stadium up and down the land, but we find it hard to believe the tabloid vernacular that players are edging towards the exit door every time a bid is made for their services. Is there some sort of conveyor belt we don't know about?
Flattered: The aforementioned come-and-get-me pleas are often assumed after a player has admitted he is flattered to be linked with a club. Occasionally, when the club linked is a particularly high-profile one, a player may even be honoured by the speculation.
Give in: There are plenty of players out there currently hoping to land improved contract at their current or next club - and you can be sure plenty of clubs will give in to their demands before the end of the window.
Hands off: Although they sometimes admit that "every player as a price", managers will also regularly issue hands-off warnings to clubs interested in their prized assets. Any player under the age of 21 is, of course, said to be highly-rated - and clubs will know that there will always be a rival ready to hijack any of the transfers they have lined up.
In-demand: Generally reserved for those wanted by three or more clubs, it is transfers of the most in-demand players that are most in danger of the aforementioned hijacking, particularly if negotiations ever reach an impasse.
Jigsaw: There are no shortage of ex-professionals ready to pass judgement on signings made by their former club. Sometimes they may see a player as a final piece of the jigsaw, but other times the jury is out on a signing, particularly if made from outside of England or Spain.
Kitty: This is a term used more often in the early stages of the transfer window, but there are still plenty of managers with money left in their transfer kitty going into the final few days ahead of the deadline.
Lodge: You don't hear of your Average Joe lodging a bid to buy a car or house, yet that is apparently exactly what football clubs do when they want to sign a player. Any such offers from Monday onwards could justifiably be described as last ditch, and clubs in such situations will hope to avoid being locked in talks with a player as the deadline approaches.
Mulling: It's never a surprise when an actual offer for a player is leaked to the press, but it's quite remarkable how so many journalists are able to know even when a manager is considering or mulling over making a bid.
Nonsense: Managers regularly dismiss rumours as nonsense, but such flat denials are sometimes followed by tales of clubs attempting signings, only to discover they were a no-go.
On the radar: Whether football clubs have access to military-style equipment is open to debate, but what is certain is that plenty of them will have players on the radar. They must hope said players are open to the idea of joining their club.
Plea: With newspapers to sell and clicks to attract, a run-of-the-mill comment such as "we'll see what happens" at this time of the year can very easily be interpreted as a player issuing a come-and-get-me plea.
Quality: When questioned about their transfer targets, managers often seek to reassure fans that they are only interested in adding quality to their squad, players that "must be better than those we already have at the club".
Red alert: Should a player refuse to rule out a move, or, even better, issue a come-and-get-me plea, you can be certain that at least one club will be put on red alert by his comments. Managers too regularly refuse to rule out joining the race to sign a player or making a raid on a particular club. Sometimes, however, they prefer to refute or rubbish the speculation.
Slam shut: There is no actual window at all, of course, but rest assured there will be plenty of mentions of it not only closing but slamming shut before next Tuesday's deadline. You can also expect lots of swooping to be done over the next week, especially for players that have slapped in a transfer request. Sources close to said players are generally quite happy to pass on all of the details to tabloid newspapers.
Tight-lipped: It is a favourite trick of many managers to insist in their press conferences that they do not talk about players at other clubs...while proceeding to do exactly that. Those managers still escape being described as tight-lipped on the rumours, however - and refusing to rule out a signing is often all the evidence the media needs to confirm a manager is in fact ready to table an offer for a player he has been tracking for some time, presumably on his radar.
Unveil: Disappointingly, no club has ever seen fit to hide a new signing beneath a blanket, but they are still certain to be described as having officially unveiled any player introduced at a press conference.
Value: World-class players are all well and good, but the one thing managers claim to look out for more than anything else, apart from the cheque book variety, is value. Expect managers failing to strengthen their squad sufficiently to rue a lack of value in the market once the deadline has passed.
Wantaway: Any player to submit a transfer request can be assured of the prefix wantaway for at least six months, possibly until another club wraps up his signing. They are likely to have been weighing up the move before eventually deciding to crack open their transfer warchest - something managers with transfer kitties can only dream of.
X-ray: A prospective signing undergoing a medical is a nerve-racking time for fans at the best of time, but talk of a player needing an X-ray to determine the extent of an injury is sure to bring on cold sweats for even the strongest of dispositions. Deals collapsing at the 11th hour are just about the hardest thing to take for anxious supporters.
Youth policy: Clubs with cheque book managers don't have to worry about this, but clubs with a history of promoting players from the youth team are often forced to face accusations of abandoning their youth policy when signing players that could potentially block the path of the latest young hope.
Z-list: For clubs not fortunate enough to have already completed their business, their first-choice targets are likely to have long since been missed. It often leads to cruel fans suggesting the players signed on deadline day were straight from the Z-list.
What are your favourite transfer-window clichés? Are there any we've missed? And yes, we were struggling by 'X'...
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